Jesus List and Boundaries

“An open rebuke is better than hidden love!  Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.”  Proverbs 27:5-6 (NLT)

It seems I’ve been apologizing an awful lot lately. 

• I’m sorry my late night text woke you (um, correction, woke your husband). 
• I’m sorry you keep getting an annoying email reminder to “join me on Twitter.”
• I’m sorry that I make you uncomfortable with the way I share scripture/my faith/my prayers.
• I’m sorry for being grumpy, losing my temper, getting stressed out, yelling, fussing, speaking unkindly, being thoughtless, not making enough time for you…

An encourager by God’s design, my whole being revolts at the thought of having said or done something offensive to others.  Literally, it makes me sick to my stomach.

And then my mind rushes to defend my words or actions.  “I didn’t mean it that way.  They misunderstood.  They are being ridiculous/too sensitive/(insert word here).  It’s not my fault.  I can’t help it.  It’s their problem, not mine.”   

Sometimes, my defenses might even be true.  But it’s always God's way of using people or situations to remind me of a healthy boundary or alert me to an unknown barrier. Tweet this!

Soon after recommitting my life to Christ, I began emailing certain people to let them know what God was doing in my life.  But only the ones God laid on my heart and that I’d prayed over.  I’d share a story and some scripture maybe once a week. 

Within the first couple of weeks, I received an email from one of my friends asking me to take her off the “mass Jesus email list.” That God just wasn’t her “thing.” Ouch.  I felt nauseous.

The main difference between a boundary and a barrier is the motive.  A healthy boundary grows from love while a barrier is erected out of fear. Tweet this!

So when we encounter something that gives us that sick feeling in our stomach (like a criticism) it is essential that we quickly figure out if it is meant to help us or hurt us*.  

Let’s just be honest, here.  No one likes criticism.  We’d all much prefer to go through life with nothing but praises and pats on the back at how fabulous we are all the time. 

But as sinners living in a sinful world, we need to seek out and cherish those Godly friends who are brave enough and who love us enough to provide us with constructive, kind criticism.  And we also need to be that kind of friend to another.  Because we all have areas of our live where we could be more Christ-like. 

And for those people who erect the barriers, you ask?  The ones that harshly criticize out of fear, thoughtlessness, pride, hate, jealously, or misunderstanding?  You seek God’s help in showing them Christ’s love.  Because hurt people hurt people.     

And my friend, the one who asked to be taken off my “Jesus” list?  I credit her with beginning me down the path I find myself on today.  “What if email is too intrusive?  Wonder if there is a better way to share my faith, my stories, the Good News with people? …”

I sent her a thank you email a while back.  Told her how genuinely grateful and inspired I was by her request.  She was surprised and skeptical, I think, but her replies back to me gradually softened.  And I am hopeful that God will continue to do a great work of love in her heart and that, one day, the barrier would crumble and she would experience Christ’s overwhelming love through a personal relationship with Him.   

“As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good…”  Genesis 50:20(a) (ESV)

“All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.”  2 Timothy 3:16-17 (ESV)

“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”  Colossians 4:6 (ESV)

*Source:  Terkeurtst, Lisa.  “Criticism Hurts”  18 June 2012.  Lysaterkeurtst.com <http://lysaterkeurtst.com/2012/06/criticism-hurts/ Monday, June 18 “Criticism Hurts”>  29 August 2013.