Panic Attacks and Trust

Panic Attacks and Trust

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.”  Philippians 4:6 (NLT)

 

 “How are we going to pay for this?” he asked. 

 

“I honestly don’t know, honey. ” I replied.

 

The idea of sending our youngest to a private Christian school was ridiculous.  She and her sister were less than a month from starting back to school at one of the top academic elementary schools in the southeast.  She’d finished last year with all A’s and having won the good character award in her class more weeks than not.  And tuition?  Free. 

It all started innocently enough. 

“So who is excited about school starting back next month?  We need to start getting ready for it, don’t we?” I said.  What took place over the next hour can only be described as a series of panic attacks.  “Please don’t make me go back.” 

Over and over again the plea came between uncontrollable sobs.  I prayed for God to intervene, to calm her spirit, to give us peace, to guide us and be with us.  I told her that mommy and daddy’s plans were for her to go back to her normal school this year but...maybe we should ask God what His plans were for us.  A calm came over her and minutes later, she fell asleep.

Sleep did not come so easily for her father and me, though. 

“How are we going to pay for this?”  “We can’t pay for this.”  “This is ridiculous.  She just needs to suck it up and go.”  “Yes, I remember her not wanting to go back after holidays and time off from school last year…about how difficult it was for her to adjust to going there…but she did fine.”  “What about our oldest child?  Will she want to go too?  Will she feel slighted if we send her little sister but then don’t send her?”  “What if she doesn’t like it at the new school we send her to?” 

The angry questions bounced around in our minds and between us, taking on a life of their own, as we struggled to comprehend what this change would mean to us financially and as a family and individually.

In the weeks to come, God would make our path to the new school abundantly clear…which did NOT necessarily make it any easier to follow it.  I actually prayed at times for God to close doors.  To just turn our youngest's heart around.  To make it so that she wanted to go back to her old school. 

But God’s plans were bigger than our fears Tweet this! and the doors leading to this path were being flung wide open.  The choice was ours...would we leap through them?

“Why, yes, we do have just a spot available in our first grade class but just one…”

 “Why, yes, we do have financial aid available but the Board is actually meeting tomorrow to decide about financial aid recipients.  You could just turn it in and see what happens...” 

“Mrs. Mills:  I just wanted to let you know that the Board has approved your request for financial aid.  Oh, you are welcome.  You will have five days to either accept or decline acceptance..." 

Five days.  We were still far from being able to pay for tuition, much less the other fees.  But God had a plan for that, as well.  We were given half of the money as a gift – not a loan – a gift.   The remaining money we had to take out in a loan. 

Last month, in an effort to save money, we had found ways to reduce some of our outgoing monthly expenses to the tune of saving $165 a month.  Our new loan payment would be $161 a month.  This was not a coincidence.  It was also not a coincidence that our oldest had no interest in attending this new school.  She was perfectly happy going to her old school. 

But still hurdles to jump and quickly, as school starts now in two weeks.  Letters of reference are needed, school supplies, uniforms, a preplanned family vacation that had already been scheduled to take place the same week the new school starts…all of this was handled in ways that only God could have managed.  He smoothed out every last detail, took every last worry (that we would give Him) and turned them into praises, into this testimony of faith. 

It’s been 3 weeks now since our youngest started school and she loves it.  She is thriving, flourishing, and looks at us with grateful eyes that say, “Thank you.” 

Our oldest started school this past week and she loves being there, as well.  We'd always been told that this particular school wasn't the right fit for every kid.  I'd have to enthusiastically agree.

And my husband and I still worry at times.  "How we will pay for other upcoming expenses?"  "What about our plan to get out of debt?"  "Summer care?"  "Next year?"  "What if..."

That's when God reminds us to captivate those worry-filled thoughts.  To pray, instead.  To tell Him what we need.  To thank Him for all He has done.  All He is doing for us.  For His many promises that His path is always right, always good, always one that leads to life, not death.  And that if we will just continue to trust and obey Him that He will continue to pour out blessings upon us, more than we could ever imagine or dare to dream.  

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”  Romans 8:28 (NLT)

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’  declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

“The Lord says, ‘I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.  I will advise you and watch over you.’”  Psalm 32:8 (NLT)

"Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”  Matthew 19:26 (NIV)