Prison Time and Marriage

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 (ESV) 

I’ve only been to prison once and that was to notarize a document. But when those iron bars clanged shut behind me, it gave me chills. 

I’ve thought about that day a lot lately because my sweet “I’m in love with Jesus” friend has been called to take the Good News to the women at the Julia Tutwiler Prison. 

The headlines have been full of reports of abuse going on at that prison - unspeakable things happening - and honestly, until just recently I thought:

“So what? I mean, they are prisoners so whatever happens to them is pretty much their own fault for going and breaking the law to go to prison in the first place, right? 

And I’m sure they’ve done unspeakable things to others so ‘an eye for an eye‘, isn’t that in the Bible?” 

But, boy, once God rooted out my pride and showed me how much worse I deserved for all the unspeakable things I had done, for all of His laws that I had broken, and then He showed me His love, mercy, grace and forgiveness by choosing to take me back into His fold, His prodigal daughter, and wash me clean as snow and cover me in his righteousness...wow, my heart goes out to those women. 

But one woman in particular: my aunt. 

She‘s in that prison for murder right now and probably for the rest of her life. 

I pray that she’s hearing the Good News from my friend…that she has cried out to God from behind those iron bars and received His saving grace and mercy. 

I wonder how many times she has she wept over the life she took…and how many times the victim’s family and friends have wept. I wonder if she even knows that her son is getting married next month…

My husband and I will celebrate our 10 year anniversary this Thursday, August 1.

We had planned to memorialize it by recommitting our vows to each other and our marriage to God - just the two of us, our girls, and our awesome, Holy Spirit filled Pastor.

But we received news yesterday that my grandmother had passed away and though we are celebrating her going to be with Jesus and my Grandpa, we are sad, too. So we’ve put our plans on hold until we see how God wants to shake that out for us.

Besides, I recommit my marriage to God (and my life and my family) pretty much every morning so I’m okay with waiting on the formality…but I’m still super excited that we both would want to officially remarry each other because, at one time, we both felt kinda like prisoners in our marriage.

The “till death do you part” sounded like a life sentence because it seemed like we were angry with each other most of the time because we couldn’t figure out how to make each other feel loved*.

God continues to astonish me with His miracles in my life, but I guess working miracles in people’s lives are like his trademark thing, isn’t it?

*Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages book.

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.”  Matthew 5:21-22 (ESV)

“I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.”  Matthew 25:36 (ESV)

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (ESV)

Sorority Sisters and Forgiveness

Original Artwork by Bobby Mills

“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” Proverbs 27:17 (NLT)

My college days consisted of attending night classes while working a full time day job and a part time night job.  Took me the span of 10 years to end up with a 2 year associates degree…but I’m super proud of that degree.

So I didn’t have an opportunity to join a sorority during that time but I’ve always looked in amazement at those people who have managed to keep up their old friendships from college (and some even high school!).

I believe God has given these people a double portion of forgiveness because in order to stay friends with someone that long, you have really got to be able to forgive - and a lot, I mean.

The longest friendships I’ve managed to keep up were 15 and 20 years, respectively, and God brought those to a close about the time I recommitted to Him. Those separations wounded all of us but God, the Great Physician and Healer, has a prescription of forgiveness that He writes for that. Instructions: Apply liberally and often. Tweet this!

God allows relationships in your life to begin, continue and even end so it’s just silly to try and blame the other person or yourself. It’s not about you, or about me, it’s all about Him and bringing Him glory. Tweet this!

And whether you still have your best friends from high school or college or you’ve just started a brand new friendship, remember…it’s not about the length of the friendship, it’s about the depth. Tweet this!

God has blessed me with continuing some older friendships and by establishing some fairly new ones - most of which are extremely deep and rich and rooted in a common love of Christ. But all of which will require forgiveness.
 
“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14-15 (NLT)

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13 (NIV)

“But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.” I John 1:9

Pencil Thief and Tithing

"Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” 2 Corinthians 9:7 (NIV) 

I stole a pencil in first grade.

It was one of those big, fat pencils and I couldn’t find mine so I just took my friend’s pencil.

Well, at that time in my Christian school, you got something called demerits for small infractions, like running in the hall, and you got something called licks with a wooden paddle for the bigger infractions, like stealing.

I got 3 licks that day and it hurt and I was so embarrassed and that was pretty much the end of my thieving career.

I didn’t think much about tithing until last year.

Really thought it was kinda optional. Then I read a book that my best friend gave my husband called “Blue Like Jazz” by Donald Miller. In it, he describes not tithing as stealing from God. Tweet this! Wow. That really got my attention.

I pushed for a new tradition in my family, immediately, of corporal tithing. Problem was, my husband and I couldn’t agree on the figures. Then, a wise counselor told us that tithing could mean the giving of other resources, besides money - like our time, energy, talents, and skills. Tweet this!

Once I quit seeing God as a bill collector who expected his 10% payment, I was able to embrace what tithing really is supposed to be. Just another way to glorify God by happily giving back to Him what He gave me in the first place.

Now let me say a quick word about spankings, please. My husband and I don’t spank our kids. We tried it and it just doesn‘t work for our family. I know people who swear by spanking - say it works great with their family.

But here’s the deal - listen REAL close - discipline, especially spanking, needs to come from a place of love, where your goal is to teach and correct. Don‘t you ever use it as a way to vent your anger and frustrations because you know what that’s called? Abuse. And that’s all I’m gonna say about that for now.

“If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need.” Ephesians 4:28 (NLT)

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry For the wrath of man works not the righteousness of God.” James 1:19 (NIV)

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4 (NLT)

“Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.” Proverbs 22:6 (NLT)

Church Speak and Doors

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path the take.” Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT)

Tight groups have a kinda short, coded, almost secret language they talk in sometimes.

Professionally, we scribble stuff like ASAP or FYI on our very important papers. It saves a little time and looks cool. But if you don’t know what that stuff means, you’d better ask because my boss emailed me the other day that he needed something by COB - which I found out means by close of business - and, so, cute or not, it needed to get done quick, you know?

Church speak is like that.


One of the first Sunday School classes I showed up to - after my 20 year sabbatical from church - someone asked prayer for “travel mercies.” I found out that meant prayers for safe travel. Check!

They said God was “the Great Physician and Healer” and “Yahweh.” Oh, okay, those are other names for God. Cool!, I thought. 

They mentioned grace and how God was sovereign and talked about how God opens and closes doors and I’m like, wow, I’m really gonna have to study up on all this stuff.

And it’s not like I’m a novice or anything….I went to a private Christian school from K-9th grade and my mom had me at church every time the doors were open, so maybe I just wasn’t listening or something? But if you don’t know what this stuff means, go ahead and ask because it’s pretty cool stuff.

God has been opening so many doors for my family lately that I’ve been a wee bit concerned that one is gonna hit me in the face!

And the thing is, when God opens one of these doors, He doesn’t expect you to gather your stuff together, do a lights off check, and survey the weather outside before you walk out it. No, sir. You know what He expects? You to go running through it like the house was on fire, in your pajamas, and leap out of it like a gazelle! Tweet this!  And you might free fall for a bit before He catches you but, hear me when I say this, He ALWAYS catches you. That, in Church speak, is called taking a leap of faith, my friends.

Just a note, though. God closes doors, too. Tweet this!

So look out for those because the last thing you want to do is get your hand or toe slammed in a door that God is closing. So pray for wisdom on which way that door is actually swinging, for sure. But our God is not in the business of trying to trick you or hurt you so He’ll let you know.

“The Lord says, ‘I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.'” Psalm 32:8 (NLT)

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1 (NIV)

“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.” Revelation 3:20 (NIV) 

“Lead me in the right path, O Lord, or my enemies will conquer me. Make your way plain for me to follow." Psalm 5:8 (NLT)

Jesus Pin and Tattoos

“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” I Samuel 16:7 (NLT)  




People judge us and we judge other people. 

It’s part of our nature to try and figure people out and until we’ve had a chance to get to know them, what have we got to go on? Yep…how they look. 

I’ve got tattoos. Not a lot of them…well, not a lot of really visible ones, anyway. At one time, I had a ring in my nose. And pink hair. And dressed like a biker - but I rode motorcycles, so that’s why. 

And you can bet I got judged, a lot. But, if I’m honest, I actually got a kick out of it. It’s just where I was at that time in my life which, for me, was way outside of the will of God.

Fast forward to now. 

After recommitting my life to Christ in 2012, I’m a redeemed woman. Wife of a talented, longsuffering, sensitive man. Mother of two beautiful, creative, Godly girls. 

And the tattoos are still there. But I’ve got a new accessory to go along with them…a blinged out Jesus pin that my mother gave to me on the night of my rebaptism in March of this year. And I haven’t taken it off (much) since. 

And, guess what? I’m still getting judged, a lot. But, if I’m honest, I actually get a kick out of it. It’s just where I am at this time in my life which, for me, is right smack in the middle of God’s will.

You will always be judged by people but God looks at your heart. Tweet this!

Isn’t that refreshing? Breathe in the love, the freedom and the acceptance from God and let His grace flow through you to others - try not to judge them so harshly by the way they look, okay? It’s just where they are at this point in their life.

And I still streak my hair pink every once in a while. And I’d still take a ride on your motorcycle. But I wouldn’t wear that ring in my nose again because piercings just aren’t my thing. But don’t judge me.

“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.” Matthew 7:1-2

“God alone, who gave the law, is the Judge. He alone has the power to save or to destroy. So what right do you have to judge your neighbor?” James 4:12

“Create in me a clean heart, O god; Renew a loyal spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10