Harley Davidsons and Quitters

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.  John 3:17

You were married to someone before daddy?

We initiated the conversation intentionally.  At 6 and 8, we felt they were old enough to know.  Still, it wasn’t entirely comfortable navigating that many questions.

"What's his name?  What's he look like?  Why'd you divorce?  Isn’t divorce a sin? Do I have other brothers or sisters? Where is he now? You rode motorcycles?  (Would these questions end?)




Answering best I could, we talked until they were satisfied and went back to playing.  "Wow," I thought.  "Glad that’s over.  It really wasn‘t that bad."

Yet, days later I still felt the weight of that conversation.  It was the first time I had thought about my divorce in a while.  And the very first time from a recommitted-to-Christ perspective.   

At 23, I'd met a man over 10 years my senior who was as wide open as me.  He had an outlandish personality and style, colorful past, lots of tattoos, long blonde hair, and a love of Harley Davidsons. And I fell head over heels in love with all of it.

We were alike in so many ways but the main difference was pretty distinct.  He was clean and sober and I wasn’t.  It amazed me to see him having more fun than me at bars and strip joints without a drop of alcohol or any drugs.  He was a quitter and proud of it.  So I decided to try it his way for a while. 

Less than a year later, we married.  

We traveled all over the country together.  I started out on the back of his Heritage but quickly ended up with a Sportster of my own.  We hit swap meets and motorcycles rallies from Daytona Beach to Myrtle Beach.  From Sturgis, SD to Four Corners.  We biked along the coast of California from San Diego to San Francisco and back.  We even made a pit stop to hang with a friend of a friend, Jesse James, at his shop, West Coast Choppers.

And I really wish I could tell you something awful happened that led to our divorce.  But, honestly, it was probably the same thing that happens to other couples.  Letting the little things turn into big things.  Not communicating our needs to each other.  Taking each other for granted. 

We noticed it and even put in a good year of couples counseling.  But since God wasn’t a part of our lives or marriage, we picked a secular counselor whose advice was focused on what would make us happy, how we felt, what we wanted.  Eventually, it all felt like just too much work.     

So, seven years after saying “I do” we both said “we quit.”  

God’s Word is clear that divorce is a sin and what I felt was the full weight of my sin.  Which is why I was so grateful that His Word was also clear on His forgiveness of our sins.  But even more than forgiveness, I was blessed.  Blessed to be able to have a message to share with my girls about how important it is they seek God’s will for whom they will marry and in keeping God the focus of their marriage.   

And, on any given Saturday morning, as I watch my husband help out around the house and see my girls playing more than helping, I am so very grateful for a God who makes beautiful things out of our messes.  And for a God who will never quit on us.  

And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”  Mark 10:11

As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.  Psalm 103:12 (ESV)

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.  Ecclesiastes 4:9 (ESV)

Nosebleeds and Mocha Frappuccinos

 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.  The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.”  Matthew 26:41

“I got to eat a popsicle today, mom,” said my youngest child, proudly showing me her slightly stained pink tongue.   

“Oh, that’s nice, honey.  Why?” I asked. 

“Because the nurse said it would help with my nosebleed.”  

My eldest had them occasionally as a young child but she hasn’t had any in a couple of years.  But my youngest child…poor thing.  She got the worst of it. 

Last year, she had them so severely and so frequently she made daily trips to the school nurse’s office.  Sometimes twice a day.  

Exasperated, I took her to an ENT whose diagnosis was weak blood vessels.  His suggested treatment was a chewable daily allergy medicine (to help prevent them) and Afrin nose spray (to help stop one already in progress). 

After several weeks with no nosebleeds, my first thought was “Hooray!” closely followed by second thought which was “Well, THAT information sure would have been helpful about a year ago.”

In our desperation, we’d tried all sorts of things over the years to prevent/stop them. 

• A humidifier. 
• Liberal application of nasal lubricant. 
• Short nails to ward off accidental scraping of the inside of her nose.  
• Pinching the bridge of her nose for 5 minutes straight (no peeking!). 
• “Crazy lips” -  a small piece of wet paper towel, folded to fit between her top lip and gum.

And though some of these things may have helped, nothing came close to helping as quickly and completely as our ENT’s suggestions. 

So, after almost six months of being virtually nosebleed-free, we had become complacent. 

"Nosebleeds?  That’s a thing of the past," I thought as I happily checked “None” on the school’s medical conditions form.  Goodbye humidifier.  So long emergency stashes of Afrin bottles.   

I surprised my sweet hubby with his second love this morning:  a mocha frappuccino.   Since I never just drop by his office and since our strict needs-only budget doesn’t allow for such luxuries, I knew this would be a real treat for him. 

The need to reconnect with him felt almost overwhelming.

I couldn't put my finger on it, either, because we haven’t been fighting.  Actually, things have been running surprisingly smooth at our house lately.

 

We say pleasant enough “good mornings” as we get ourselves and the kids ready for the day.  We ask how each other’s day was in the evenings and do a decent job listening to each other.  We’ve eaten more dinners together around the table than not lately. 

But in the evenings, after the kids go to bed, which is the only real time we have to connect with each other on a deeper level…well, we just hadn’t been.   And that's when I realize what is happening...we have become complacent and have been, ever so slightly, drifting apart. 

And it is neither of our faults and both of our faults at the same time. 

And God reminds me that our marriage is susceptible to the same kind of sneak attack we experienced with our youngest's recent nosebleed.  He reminds me that complacency will lead us and our relationship down a path that we've been too many times before.  Click to Tweet!

And I'm thankful for this wake up call. 

For the Great Physician's diagnosis that our marriage is weak right now.  And for His suggested treatment of making the time to meet each other's most important needs.   

 “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”  Ephesians 6:10-12 (ESV)

“So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.”  Revelation 3:16 (ESV)

“Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:”  I Peter 5:8 KJV

Prison Time and Marriage

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 (ESV) 

I’ve only been to prison once and that was to notarize a document. But when those iron bars clanged shut behind me, it gave me chills. 

I’ve thought about that day a lot lately because my sweet “I’m in love with Jesus” friend has been called to take the Good News to the women at the Julia Tutwiler Prison. 

The headlines have been full of reports of abuse going on at that prison - unspeakable things happening - and honestly, until just recently I thought:

“So what? I mean, they are prisoners so whatever happens to them is pretty much their own fault for going and breaking the law to go to prison in the first place, right? 

And I’m sure they’ve done unspeakable things to others so ‘an eye for an eye‘, isn’t that in the Bible?” 

But, boy, once God rooted out my pride and showed me how much worse I deserved for all the unspeakable things I had done, for all of His laws that I had broken, and then He showed me His love, mercy, grace and forgiveness by choosing to take me back into His fold, His prodigal daughter, and wash me clean as snow and cover me in his righteousness...wow, my heart goes out to those women. 

But one woman in particular: my aunt. 

She‘s in that prison for murder right now and probably for the rest of her life. 

I pray that she’s hearing the Good News from my friend…that she has cried out to God from behind those iron bars and received His saving grace and mercy. 

I wonder how many times she has she wept over the life she took…and how many times the victim’s family and friends have wept. I wonder if she even knows that her son is getting married next month…

My husband and I will celebrate our 10 year anniversary this Thursday, August 1.

We had planned to memorialize it by recommitting our vows to each other and our marriage to God - just the two of us, our girls, and our awesome, Holy Spirit filled Pastor.

But we received news yesterday that my grandmother had passed away and though we are celebrating her going to be with Jesus and my Grandpa, we are sad, too. So we’ve put our plans on hold until we see how God wants to shake that out for us.

Besides, I recommit my marriage to God (and my life and my family) pretty much every morning so I’m okay with waiting on the formality…but I’m still super excited that we both would want to officially remarry each other because, at one time, we both felt kinda like prisoners in our marriage.

The “till death do you part” sounded like a life sentence because it seemed like we were angry with each other most of the time because we couldn’t figure out how to make each other feel loved*.

God continues to astonish me with His miracles in my life, but I guess working miracles in people’s lives are like his trademark thing, isn’t it?

*Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages book.

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.”  Matthew 5:21-22 (ESV)

“I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.”  Matthew 25:36 (ESV)

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (ESV)