Friday, November 15, 2013

Ice Cream and Doubt


"Then Jesus answered, "Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted." And her daughter was healed from that very hour."  Matthew 15:28

I don’t want {sob} you to leave, mommy {sob}.

 It was the second time in 4  days I’d heard this tearful plea from my youngest.


First, just before my trip to Atlanta for a Women of Faith conference and now, again, as I tried to leave early to help out with the Law Enforcement Summit.

Sweetie, I love you so much.  But you know who loves you more?  Who will never leave you, even when mommy has to?” I said, hugging her tightly.

God,” answers my oldest, who’d been listening from across the room.  “Yes, that’s right.  God.” I affirmed.

But I can’t see Him,”  Her eyes were honest and pleading and filled to overflowing with tears. 

Rewind to 4 days ago at 3:30 am…

Mom, you’re gonna break my heart if you go,” she cried as she clung to me.

God is with you, baby, and He will comfort you and be with you, even when mommy isn’t.

We prayed and as God's peace eventually settled over us we were able to enjoy the sweet treat of having the next couple of hours together, just she and I ~ exactly what both of us needed.  {But God is just awesome that way, isn't He? Always providing for our needs, often in unexpected ways, when we pray and ask for it.  I love having a Heavenly Father who lavishes us with his blessings. Tweet this!

Fast forward to today...

"We are doing this, again?" I internally question.  The same tearful plea to stay.  The same gracious God whose peace settles us down, again.  This time, though, her honest question of doubt resonated within me:  "But I can’t see Him…”

As part of the reward for her settling down, I made a promise to join her for lunch.  So when work obligations caused me to leave a little later than expected, I became impatient.  Then encountered an unmarked police car on the interstate and became frustrated.  So much so that I ended up missing the intended exit.

Doubt kicked into full gear:  “I’m not going to have any time with her.  I’m going to miss her whole lunch hour.  I might as well turn around.  {Lightbulb moment!}  God, what should I do?“ 

You should trust me.  Don’t you believe that I am with her always?  That I can be trusted to care for her and comfort her when you aren’t around?  Isn’t that what you told her this morning?  Don't you believe it?“ 

Surrender and peace washed over me.  I slowed down.  And railing against my sinful, doubting instincts…I stopped for ice cream!  What a joy and freedom I felt in surrendering to God’s truth, the knowledge that He could do anything, that He was with Bella to comfort and protect her.  Tweet this!  In that instant, I'd moved from doubt to belief and the realization that I didn't need to know all the details of how or why.    

Arriving at the end of her lunch period, with she and her classmates getting ready to depart the lunchroom, I honestly didn't know what to expect.  Was God going to teach me that his grace was sufficient when missing a promised lunchtime visit with my daughter?  Would He turn back the hands of time? Nope.  Neither of those. 

What He did was, nonetheless a miracle.  He prompted the teacher to offer to allow my child to stay past the normal lunch hour in order to enjoy an ice cream with me, the late-to-lunch mom.     

As Bella and I enjoyed our special, divinely provided time together, I thanked God for the big scoops of faith He always provides me with peace sprinkled on top.

"The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace."  Psalm 29:11

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  John 14:27

 "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." 
Deuteronomy 31:8

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