Harley Davidsons and Quitters

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.  John 3:17

You were married to someone before daddy?

We initiated the conversation intentionally.  At 6 and 8, we felt they were old enough to know.  Still, it wasn’t entirely comfortable navigating that many questions.

"What's his name?  What's he look like?  Why'd you divorce?  Isn’t divorce a sin? Do I have other brothers or sisters? Where is he now? You rode motorcycles?  (Would these questions end?)




Answering best I could, we talked until they were satisfied and went back to playing.  "Wow," I thought.  "Glad that’s over.  It really wasn‘t that bad."

Yet, days later I still felt the weight of that conversation.  It was the first time I had thought about my divorce in a while.  And the very first time from a recommitted-to-Christ perspective.   

At 23, I'd met a man over 10 years my senior who was as wide open as me.  He had an outlandish personality and style, colorful past, lots of tattoos, long blonde hair, and a love of Harley Davidsons. And I fell head over heels in love with all of it.

We were alike in so many ways but the main difference was pretty distinct.  He was clean and sober and I wasn’t.  It amazed me to see him having more fun than me at bars and strip joints without a drop of alcohol or any drugs.  He was a quitter and proud of it.  So I decided to try it his way for a while. 

Less than a year later, we married.  

We traveled all over the country together.  I started out on the back of his Heritage but quickly ended up with a Sportster of my own.  We hit swap meets and motorcycles rallies from Daytona Beach to Myrtle Beach.  From Sturgis, SD to Four Corners.  We biked along the coast of California from San Diego to San Francisco and back.  We even made a pit stop to hang with a friend of a friend, Jesse James, at his shop, West Coast Choppers.

And I really wish I could tell you something awful happened that led to our divorce.  But, honestly, it was probably the same thing that happens to other couples.  Letting the little things turn into big things.  Not communicating our needs to each other.  Taking each other for granted. 

We noticed it and even put in a good year of couples counseling.  But since God wasn’t a part of our lives or marriage, we picked a secular counselor whose advice was focused on what would make us happy, how we felt, what we wanted.  Eventually, it all felt like just too much work.     

So, seven years after saying “I do” we both said “we quit.”  

God’s Word is clear that divorce is a sin and what I felt was the full weight of my sin.  Which is why I was so grateful that His Word was also clear on His forgiveness of our sins.  But even more than forgiveness, I was blessed.  Blessed to be able to have a message to share with my girls about how important it is they seek God’s will for whom they will marry and in keeping God the focus of their marriage.   

And, on any given Saturday morning, as I watch my husband help out around the house and see my girls playing more than helping, I am so very grateful for a God who makes beautiful things out of our messes.  And for a God who will never quit on us.  

And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”  Mark 10:11

As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.  Psalm 103:12 (ESV)

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.  Ecclesiastes 4:9 (ESV)