Panic Attacks and Trust

Panic Attacks and Trust

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.”  Philippians 4:6 (NLT)

 

 “How are we going to pay for this?” he asked. 

 

“I honestly don’t know, honey. ” I replied.

 

The idea of sending our youngest to a private Christian school was ridiculous.  She and her sister were less than a month from starting back to school at one of the top academic elementary schools in the southeast.  She’d finished last year with all A’s and having won the good character award in her class more weeks than not.  And tuition?  Free. 

It all started innocently enough. 

“So who is excited about school starting back next month?  We need to start getting ready for it, don’t we?” I said.  What took place over the next hour can only be described as a series of panic attacks.  “Please don’t make me go back.” 

Over and over again the plea came between uncontrollable sobs.  I prayed for God to intervene, to calm her spirit, to give us peace, to guide us and be with us.  I told her that mommy and daddy’s plans were for her to go back to her normal school this year but...maybe we should ask God what His plans were for us.  A calm came over her and minutes later, she fell asleep.

Sleep did not come so easily for her father and me, though. 

“How are we going to pay for this?”  “We can’t pay for this.”  “This is ridiculous.  She just needs to suck it up and go.”  “Yes, I remember her not wanting to go back after holidays and time off from school last year…about how difficult it was for her to adjust to going there…but she did fine.”  “What about our oldest child?  Will she want to go too?  Will she feel slighted if we send her little sister but then don’t send her?”  “What if she doesn’t like it at the new school we send her to?” 

The angry questions bounced around in our minds and between us, taking on a life of their own, as we struggled to comprehend what this change would mean to us financially and as a family and individually.

In the weeks to come, God would make our path to the new school abundantly clear…which did NOT necessarily make it any easier to follow it.  I actually prayed at times for God to close doors.  To just turn our youngest's heart around.  To make it so that she wanted to go back to her old school. 

But God’s plans were bigger than our fears Tweet this! and the doors leading to this path were being flung wide open.  The choice was ours...would we leap through them?

“Why, yes, we do have just a spot available in our first grade class but just one…”

 “Why, yes, we do have financial aid available but the Board is actually meeting tomorrow to decide about financial aid recipients.  You could just turn it in and see what happens...” 

“Mrs. Mills:  I just wanted to let you know that the Board has approved your request for financial aid.  Oh, you are welcome.  You will have five days to either accept or decline acceptance..." 

Five days.  We were still far from being able to pay for tuition, much less the other fees.  But God had a plan for that, as well.  We were given half of the money as a gift – not a loan – a gift.   The remaining money we had to take out in a loan. 

Last month, in an effort to save money, we had found ways to reduce some of our outgoing monthly expenses to the tune of saving $165 a month.  Our new loan payment would be $161 a month.  This was not a coincidence.  It was also not a coincidence that our oldest had no interest in attending this new school.  She was perfectly happy going to her old school. 

But still hurdles to jump and quickly, as school starts now in two weeks.  Letters of reference are needed, school supplies, uniforms, a preplanned family vacation that had already been scheduled to take place the same week the new school starts…all of this was handled in ways that only God could have managed.  He smoothed out every last detail, took every last worry (that we would give Him) and turned them into praises, into this testimony of faith. 

It’s been 3 weeks now since our youngest started school and she loves it.  She is thriving, flourishing, and looks at us with grateful eyes that say, “Thank you.” 

Our oldest started school this past week and she loves being there, as well.  We'd always been told that this particular school wasn't the right fit for every kid.  I'd have to enthusiastically agree.

And my husband and I still worry at times.  "How we will pay for other upcoming expenses?"  "What about our plan to get out of debt?"  "Summer care?"  "Next year?"  "What if..."

That's when God reminds us to captivate those worry-filled thoughts.  To pray, instead.  To tell Him what we need.  To thank Him for all He has done.  All He is doing for us.  For His many promises that His path is always right, always good, always one that leads to life, not death.  And that if we will just continue to trust and obey Him that He will continue to pour out blessings upon us, more than we could ever imagine or dare to dream.  

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”  Romans 8:28 (NLT)

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’  declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

“The Lord says, ‘I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.  I will advise you and watch over you.’”  Psalm 32:8 (NLT)

"Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”  Matthew 19:26 (NIV)

Suspicious Substance and Righteousness

Suspicious Substance and Righteousness

  "For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.  But God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous.  He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty of our sin.”  Romans 3:23-24 (NLT)


The call was calm but firm and clear:  “Please evacuate the building.  This is an emergency.” 



The letter contained what was being called a “suspicious white substance” and our mail carrier, the secretary who had opened it, the supervisor who had investigated it, a coworker who had brushed off the evacuation in order to continue working, another coworker who hadn’t heard the call, and our head of investigations whose job it was to stay and clear the building, were all being held until the situation could be sorted out by the proper authorities.

Evacuees filed outside into the rain and were surrounded by fire and rescue trucks, police units, street blockades, red “danger” tape around the perimeter of the building.  The command from officials was to congregate at the Dexter Avenue King Memorial Baptist Church and stay put until given the all clear.   “How fitting“, I thought, “that we would be provided refuge from danger and the elements by the house of God - like so many before us had been.“  

As the door to the church closed behind us, we caught a glimpse of rescue workers in blue hazardous waste suits donning oxygen tanks and a tent-like structure being set up on the front stoop of our building…

The docent was happy to accommodate us with a condensed version of the normal tour.  She told of this beautiful church, steeped in rich history and shown true favor from the Almighty, having never been architecturally compromised in any way, even though it stood only a block from the Capitol during the civil rights era when church bombings were rampant in the South. This was especially surprising in light of its pastor from 1954-1960 who had been none other than Martin Luther King, Jr.   One of his more famous quotes is inscribed into the backdrop of a water element also located across the street from our building:  “Until justice rolls down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

“If something goes down, I wanna be sittin’ by the chick with the Jesus pin, ” said a coworker sitting beside me on the church pew -  but only half-jokingly.  “Truth!,” I said.  “Cause me and Jesus are tight – but I can’t take you with me.  You and Him have to be tight, you know?”  He furrowed his brows a little and I said, “Admit…believe…call out.”  He shook his head in what I took to mean recognition and agreement.  Later, God would allow me to encourage a young intern in her faith as she struggled with fears over the deployment of her boyfriend to Afghanistan soon and about her young brother who had plans to go into the military.

An official updated us  – “First test has come back negative.  But we were not free to go just yet.  Another test is being performed.  Please plan on staying until you are given the all clear.  That is all for now.”

New faces joined us inside the church as Rev. Cromwell A. Handy, the current pastor, approached the pulpit.  He announced he was delighted the Lord had answered His prayer for a harvest (chuckles erupted from the crowd) and he invited us to stay for their normal weekly Wednesday Bible study which was about to start.  He extended acceptance, comfort and encouragement to us and gave God the glory for how all things work together for our good.

He was interrupted by another official update – “You are allowed to leave the premises but no one could return to the building just yet.  Thank you for handling this professionally.”    As people rose to leave, Pastor Cromwell took a moment to pray for us and our families.

Emerging from the church, we found a scene right out of a movie.

One by one, the six contaminated employees were walked from the building, past the tent, and made to stand spread eagle, as hazardous waste officials meticulously scrubbed them down with a large brush and then meticulously rinsed them off in the same fashion.  They disappeared into the tent, only to resurface minutes later donning the same blue hazard suit and were ushered into a fire rescue truck.

The call is calm but firm and clear.

“Please evacuate your sinful life.  Admit you are a sinner - confess and repent of your sins.  Believe in me - that Christ died to save you from your sins.  Call out to me - to be your Savior and Lord of your life.  This is an emergency.“  But how many of us carry sins around, open them up,  investigate them, brush off God’s call because we are too busy or maybe because our heart is so hardened that we don’t even hear the call, or feel obligated to stay trapped in our sinful life?

He wants us to confess and then repent of the sins that are so harmful to us and our relationship with Him.  To allow Him to scrub us clean, to decontaminate our life, through Jesus’ blood.   To claim the title that He has already given us as being righteous.  Tweet this! He wants us to enjoy a new life where we give our cares to Him, rest in Him.  For us to take refuge from the dangers of this world in Him.  And to tell others about Christ and become laborers who pray for a harvest, like Pastor Cromwell.

And the suspicious white substance found in the letter?  Tests confirmed that it was, in fact, harmless.
Unlike our sin.  Which God confirms is, in fact, deadly.  

“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 6:23 (NIV)

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”  I John 1:9 (ESV)

“Truly the righteous attain life, but whoever pursues evil finds death.”  Proverbs 11:19

“And he said to them, ‘The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few.  Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.”  Luke 10:2 (ESV)